I Heard it Downtown

Okay, so December is upon us, which means that its time to be fully submersed in the holiday season. The holidays are a wonderful time to spend time with family and friends, enjoy the wonderful lights, drink hot chocolate, and celebrate significant religious events.

All of that is cool and all, but lets not forget the most important part of the holiday season. Finding totally sweet presents for your buddy Matt.

If you’re worried about what to get me this year, no problem! I’m going to put up my Christmas list here, for the next 11 days (we’ll start the clock yesterday, since thats when I actually put my first item up), so everybody will know what to get me. It’ll be my own little version of ‘the 12 days of Christmas”..only it won’t end on Christmas, since I’m leaving for Wisconsin around the 14th, and I don’t know if they put internet in the all the igloos up there yet.

So, Wish List Item Number One can be found here: http://www.gizmag.com/bullet-proof-polo-shirt/10187/. The link URL isn’t a joke. Thats a REAL Bullet Proof Polo Shirt. The company calls itself the “Armani of Armor”, and is the same company that stylishly outfits people like Hugo Chavez, and Álvaro Uribe of Columbia. I don’t know about you guys, but wearing those regular Kevlar vests totally crimps my style. How cool would it be to just lounge around my the pool, have some dude take a shot at me, and then just shrug it off like its no big deal, cause my Polo makes me INVINCIBLE? Plus, these guys make bulletproof handkerchiefs and Tuexedo shirts…you know, just in case something goes terribly wrong at my APO formal in the spring.

Or terribly right!

Sure, its a little pricey (12,000)…but when it comes to fashion, and preventing bullets from entering my chest cavity, no price is too great.

“sure Matt, that shirt looks pretty cool…but are you planning on being shot in the near future? Why would you need that?”
Thats a good question, and one that ties in nicely with the second item on my Christmas Wish List…
http://www.flightglobal.com/articles/2006/06/01/206910/james-bond-style-strap-on-jet-pack-flying-wing-to-extend-special-forces.html

Thats right. THAT’S A REAL JET PACK.

Me and a friend were recently discussing superheros. We determined that the reason that guys like Iron Man and Batman were indefinitely superior to squares like Superman is the fact that the former are just regular guys that happen to have one awesome thing going for them. IronMan is crazy smart, so he can build his own super flying suit. Batman is crazy rich, so he can hire a smartass butler and his own personal army. Matt Brown + Bulletproof Polo + JetPack =…..???

Maybe TFAMAN? Fighting for Truth, Justice, and Elementary School student Achievement? I might be on to something here. TFAMAN would just be a regular guy without any real super powers (maybe just enough dry humor to charm a few parents into showing up for parent teacher conferences)…but he would have this sweet jetpack, that he would use to fight the achievement gap (Kids! If you all pass the state proficiency state, I’ll distract our principal, and you can all RIDE IN THE JET PACK!! After your parents sign this waver). Applications for being my sidekick are accepted now.

Then, when the agents of school mediocrity/federal aviation officials try to shut me down, they can’t. My polo shirt is bulletproof. Maybe I’ll wear my bulletproof handkerchief as a headband too, for added protection.

I could even get that Clark Kent/Superman dual identity thing going. I’ll be chilling in the teacher’s lounge, and somebody will go “Hey…Matt…if you only had that blue shirt on, I’d say you look a little like TF—OH MY GOD ITS HIM”.That ought to get me TFAmous!

Blake, you can draw comic strips right? Shoot, this might pay for itself here.

Plus, my apartment is kind of a far walk from campus. The jetpack would be pretty useful now, as a commuting tool.

Okay, so you guys all got that? Great. Together, lets make this happen.

New item tomorrow! Happy Holidays everybody!!