Yeah, I was in the show. I was in the show for 21 days once – the 21 greatest days of my life. You know, you never handle your luggage in the show, somebody else carries your bags. It was great. You hit white balls for batting practice, the ballparks are like cathedrals, the hotels all have room service, and the women all have long legs and brains.-Crash Davis, Bull Durham.

Davis was talking about the difference between minor league baseball, and “The Show”, the Majors. This past weekend, I finally got called up to the show myself.

In addition to writing snarky notes on politics and whatnot on a very sporadic basis, I sometimes do actual journalist things. During the fall, I covered high school football, and since then, I’ve done some reporting on other events, from the Presidential Inauguration, to little kid swim meets. All of those experiences, no matter how small the event, were fun and worthwhile…but they weren’t  The Show.

On Friday though, I finally got called up. My friend Chris Webb runs The Buckeye Nine, a (really good) sports blog that covers the Ohio State Baseball team.  The Big Ten Tournament was being held downtown at Huntington Park (home of the AAA Columbus Clippers), and he thought he needed an extra hand to cover all the games. He also managed to get ahold of (and this is important), *two press credentials*. The decision was easy.  I was going to spend as much time at the ballpark as possible that weekend.

Huntington Park is brand spanking new, and right in the middle of the Arena District downtown. I don’t know how many of you have gotten the chance to check the place out yet, but if you like baseball, I strongly encourage it. It is one of the best ballparks I have ever been to, Majors or Minors. Remember how Cooper Stadium’s backdrop was a graveyard, and some highways? Now we have the skyline of scenic downtown Columbus. They added seats in the outfield, luxury boxes, leg room…words don’t do it justice. It is just a great place to spend a summer afternoon.

And all of that is for you guys who bought tickets, and didn’t have one of those yellow cards hanging around your neck that said PRESS. This was my Willy Wonka Golden Ticket…and the third level of the stadium, which has the press boxes and the luxury suites, might as well have been the Chocolate factory to me.

You have to understand the conditions I toiled under before. My old paper didn’t give me a press pass, so I sometimes had to pay for my own ticket if the lady working the window didn’t believe I was a reporter (No, I drove all the way from Columbus , in a tie, just to watch Centerburg today). High School press boxes are usually small, can give you splinters, obscure your view, and almost NEVER have free food. After you take into account me buying food, my gas money and sometimes buying a ticket, I would almost lose money covering some games. That doesn’t mean I didn’t like doing it, because I did…just that it wasn’t the show.

You also had to do everything yourself. Keep your own stats, transcribe your own quotes, know your own background information, etc. If you were lucky, there might be a guy in there who hasn’t left his press box seat in 30 years and can tell you some background stuff, but other than that, you are totally on your own.

At Huntington Park, they have a staff that does *those things for you*. When I first stepped into that air conditioned press box, I thought I had died and gone to journalist heaven.  They had rosters, media guides, box scores, statistical information and more all neatly on a table. They had media relations and conference officials ready to answer every question.

AND THERE WAS FOOD. All the pretzels I could eat, and a catered meal at the 7:00 game…which was better than most of the food I make myself at home. Plus, the luxury boxes were almost totally empty, but still stocked with food…so I might have borrowed some fruit from there.

Basically, all I had to do was sit down in the sun with my laptop, watch baseball games, and write. What could be better than that?

The baseball games themselves were a little boring (most were massive blowouts. Indiana won every game by at least ten runs to win the tournament. Ohio State was 3^rd), but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t excitement at the ballpark.

For example, I’d say there is at least a 35% chance the Columbus Dispatch stole from us.

During a slower part of one of the games, me and Chris began to discuss the finer points of interviewing coaches and athletes. Sadly, a lot of sports interviews end up like the one in Bull Durham.

Crash Davis: It’s time to work on your interviews.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: My interviews? What do I gotta do?
Crash Davis: You’re gonna have to learn your clichés. You’re gonna have to study them, you’re gonna have to know them. They’re your friends. Write this down: “We gotta play it one day at a time.”
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Got to play… it’s pretty boring.
Crash Davis: ‘Course it’s boring, that’s the point. Write it down.

We decided that perhaps the most egregious sports interview cliché is the line “It is what it is”. What the crap does that mean? Coach! Why did your pitchers suck today? “Well…you know, it is what it is.”. That’s a little useful for meeting a hard word count, but we learn absolutely nothing. We loudly joked about it, and made several references to that line in our live blog of the game that night.

Bob Hunter, the reporter there from the Columbus Dispatch, wasn’t seated very far away from us, and could have heard the whole thing. We open the Dispatch the next day, and whats his lead?

Big Ten Baseball. It is what it is.

As they say at Wikipedia, Citation Needed.

( Note: I’m not seriously accusing the Dispatch of ripping me off here, but the coincidence is pretty crazy)

The other thing I’m going to really remember is that I got a vote for MVP, and the All Tournament team.  I guess this shouldn’t have surprised me, because the media typically votes on those things, and I was in fact, part of the media, but I was still shocked.

So me and Chris pour over all the box scores, and I frantically google to make sure I have everybody’s name spelled correctly. It occurred to me that we were probably two of the few media members who saw virtually every game. We ended up calling a little more than half of the team correctly, but I can’t help but shake the feeling that a lot of guys were just voting for the people playing in the title game, or in the one or two games they saw. In college football, people complain all the time about media members voting teams based on name, because they don’t watch all the games. I buy into that theory a little more now.

All in all, it was some of the most fun I’ve ever had as a writer. I have a newfound appreciation for college baseball, and am busily trying to find ways to help take this blog (or others)  to the next level. Writing about sports (or anything really) is wonderful work if you can get it, but once you taste the show, you don’t want to go back to the minors.

I give you, the full transcript of my liveblogging with my buddies at The Buckeye Nine Blog

Helping out with reporting today is Matt Brown, a Columbus writer who has contributed for the Newark Advocate and Columbus Monthly. He is also a senior at Ohio State.

COLUMBUS-1:30 PM- I’m just now starting my walk from my office downtown (I have a Clark Kent job there) towards swanky Huntington Park, home of the AAA Columbus Clippers. There isn’t a cloud in the sky, and its maybe 80 degrees, an absolutely perfect day to sit around and watch baseball. Its times like this that I actually feel sad that I’m moving away in a few weeks. Columbus really isn’t a bad town. The Arena District has two great stadiums, a great place to catch concerts, and several good bars and restaurants. The only thing that would make it better would be if the Crew Stadium was here instead of by the fairgrounds in the middle of nowhere. Not to mention the Short North, Campus, Clintonville, German Village…I’m telling you, upon further review, Columbus is underrated.

2:20 PM. Bottom 6th of the day game, with Purdue beating Michigan State 8-6. The Boilermakers end a possible rally with their second baseman making a leaping catch to steal a hit. I’m still kind of taken aback by the quality of the facilities here. This park might sit 10,000 people, and its brand new. There are luxury boxes, and bars…its just so big league. I’ve come a long way from covering JV Newark girls basketball, and getting splinters in the Northridge High Press box. I bet this place even has WiFi.

2:31 PM: Not only does this place have WiFi, it has like three different networks. I didn’t even get cell service at some of the high schools I covered. Michigan State is struggling with pitching control now. Top of the 7th, and the bases are loaded with two outs….so they’re making a pitching change (Tony Bucciferro). This game could get away from them in a hurry, since MSU isn’t exactly known for being able to make up runs in bunches.

2:34: Bucciferro gets the grounder, and out of the jam. The organ is playing Take me out to the ball game now, and there are so few people in the stands that I can’t actually hear the words. Okay, so maybe not everything is so different from my last sports reporting gig.

2:42, MSU goes down 1,2,3 in the bottom 7th frame. (LF) showed some good hustle trying to snag a fowl ball in the stands. It was a little bit easier considering that the entire section was empty. Jaffee up.

2:48 I get up for like, 5 min to try and get lineups and media guides for everybody, and naturally, miss Purdue’s Brandon Havemen knock in an RBI single, and then advance to second on a wild pitch. 9-6 Purdue. In unrelated news, whoever fills out the lineup card for Purdue has really bad handwriting. Somebody in their AD needs to start typing that stuff out. Just sayin’

2:49 Charles strikes out to end the top of the 8th.

2:57- Lost some more time trying to figure out this newfangled blogger software…ended up missing the first few batters of the inning. Eli Boike is batting for the Spartans, two ours, with a runner on third.

2:58 Boike came *THIS CLOSE* to absolutely crushing some hapless guy’s laptop off a foul ball. He then followed that up with smacking a sharp grounder up the middle that was mishandled by Purdue’s 1st basemen. Boike goes to second, runner scores. Shindler up. 9-7 Purdue.

3:00 Shindler flies out to end the inning. The Spartan faithful were getting pretty riled up over over what they perceived to be some questionable strike calls. For what its worth, this is def. a Spartan crowd…..(get it? Cause…like….there aren’t very many people here)

3:04 Cummins rips a single to start the 9th for Purdue. Black up.

3:05 Full count now on Cummins. Reason number #43 why I love Huntington Park so far….we have the Wendy’s Hamburger Balcony. Not quite sure what that means, but I like it.

3:07 Sparty mishandles a grounder from Black, but recover in time to get him out at first. Cummins to second.

3:13 I get up for a second again, getting back to my seat just in time to see Serrato rip a double to right center, scoring two runs for the Boilermakers. 2 outs, runner on second for Alex Jaffee. It is 11-7 Purdue.

3:14 Jaffee knocks a sharp grounder down the third base line that takes a high, funny bounce. It barely stays fair, giving him a double and an RBI. 12-7 Purdue.

3:18 I am loving Huntington Park, but now I think I’ve found my first flaw. That giant scoreboard is a little heavy on pizazz, and a little light on critical infomation. Maybe I’m just sitting in a bad spot, but from my seat, I can tell if Alex Jaffee remembered to brush his teeth on team picture day (he did!), but I have a harder time reading the pitch count. I also can’t really see who is pitching, and I’ve been all over the place during this game. I’m sure the UM/IU game will be a lot smoother.

Last chance for Sparty. Down 12-7 in the bottom of the ninth. Lets see how Purdue’s bullpen answers the call.

3:23Jeff Holm up for the Spartans. 1 out, runners on first and second. I gotta step away from the laptop though.

4:03-Naturally, the second I step away from the computer, MSU rips a double and makes it a 3 run game. I’ll just go ahead and give you guys advance notice that I have to step away from the computer, so you’ll know when something big is coming. It must be the Murphy’s Law of sports journalism. Purdue over Michigan State, 12-9.

I’ll work on getting a cleaner write-up soon. In the meantime, #3 seed Indiana and #2 seed Minnesota will be starting in a little bit. The ballpark is still mostly empty, but its defiantly starting to fill up. Chris was right, the Gopher fans do travel awfully well, for such a long trip.

4:17 Handran will get the start for the Gophers. IU’s lineup today is Lambert, Sabourin, Phegley, Dickerson, Schulz, Crawford, Gonzalez, Rogers and Dunning.

The Gophers Media guide tells me Handran is from Montana and likes camping. I like this guy. As soon as I type that though, he gives up a first pitch single.

4:21-Josh Phegley up for the Hoosiers with two on and nobody out (Sabourin was hit by a pitch). Biggest different between games so far? Noise. The Hoosier fans (and team for that matter) are pretty vocal. I don’t think I heard much of a peep from any of the MSU or Purdue players when they were on the field.

4:23 Actually, I take that back. I think all that yelling might be one Hoosier Mom. Phegley knocks a single up the middle. Runners on the corners for Alex Dickerson. 1-0 Indiana.

4:27, After a Dickerson strikeout, Schulz knocks in another runner with a single. 2-0 Hoosiers. Evan Crawford (Reynoldsburg represent!) is up for Indiana.

4:31, Handran settles down, strikes out Crawford and gets a pop out. 2-0 IU. Bashore hits the mound of Indiana. Minny will send out Nohelly, Pettersen, McCallum, Kvasnicka, Knudson, O’Shea, Decker, Gominsky and Geason.

4:40-I’m not the only one who is singing the praises of Huntington Park today. Purdue Head Coach Doug Schreiber raved about the area at the post game press conference. Coach Schreiber admitted he hadn’t been to the Arena District before, but said he was “very very impressed” with the facilities. “It’s been very well planned and organized, and the manpower has been unbelievable. I think its important that our kids get a chance to play at such a first class stadium and get treated first class”. His only complaint? When he sees a Purdue pitch knocked over the fence. “Then I wonder…is that fence too close?”

As for the game, runners on 1st and second for Minny, with two outs. Kyle Knudson at the plate.

4:44-A few more press conference notes for ya’ll. Schreiber was pleased with “how we hit the ball better. We were consistent in our scoring, even though we never really got that big inning. We left 15 men on base, and we’ll have to improve that.” Coach Boss of Michigan State admitted that the little by little scoring by Purdue really hurt his team’s chances today.

“We just couldn’t stop the bleeding early. They just kept chippin’ away, and before you know it, they’ve put 12 on the board.” Todd added, “We also walked 12 guys, and its tough to win when you do that.”

Minny grounds out to end the inning. Rodgers leading off for the Hoosiers.

4:50-Dunning leads off with a standup double, and is followed by a double by Lambert. 3-0 Indiana.

4:56 Indiana’s bats are really working today. They’ve strung four hits in a row now to take a 4-0 lead. Runners are on 3rd and 2nd…..wait, make that 6-0, since Dickerson’s sharp ground ball was mishandled and he turned it into a double. The Gophers better stop that bleeding quick.

5:00-Gophers do in fact stop the bleeding and get out of the inning. O’Shea is up for the Golden Gophers.

When asked how his tournament experience will impact his team next season, Coach Boss for Michigan State wanted to talk defense. “When you play well on defense, and when you make those routine plays, good things will happen. Today, we gave some things away, and those miscues are really magnified in the tournament. When you do the little things, you’ll be okay.” He then added, “However, despite those miscues, we gave ourselves a chance to win today. I’m really proud of our kids.”

5:06=The Gophers go down 1-2-3, and Gonzalez leads off with yet another double. I’m a little surprised to see the Minny pitching staff get shelled like this so early in the game, even though Indiana is quite a good hitting team.

5:15-quiet 3rd inning after the previous offensive explosion. Minny has yet to get a hit as we head into the top of the 4th. Even the random loud Indiana fan has taken a break. I think she was trying to do her best Dave Chappelle as Lil’ John impression. After every other pitch, I’d hear some “WHOOOOWWAHHHAAAT? OOOOKKAAAAY! YYEAAAH!” coming from section 9. I was half expecting a “GET CRUNK” at the end. It looks like she’s done though. Peace has been restored.

5:25 Gophers seem to be getting into a pitching grove, as they get out of the 4th without giving up a hit. I’ve walked out of the confines out the press box to watch the game from the open air area on the 3rd level. On one hand, its an absolutely awesome day, and I can get a *much* better view of the action. On the other hand, I have to live with the crushing fear that i might accidentally knock the laptop off this tiny desk and send it flying down a dozen rows of bleachers. Also, somebody just brought brownies to the press room.

5:39-Nick O’Shea breaks the offensive drought for the Gophers in the bottom of the 5th with a leadoff single. Eric Decker now batting.

Also, winner winner pasta dinner! Man, when I worked high school sports, a good night for me is when somebody bought an extra hot dog and gave it to the press guy out of pity. These guys have a full catered spread. Another reason to love this place.

5:46 Two outs now, but runners on the corners for Minny. DH Matt Nohelty is up, trying to make something happen.EDIT-aaaaaand he’s caught looking. To the 6th we go!

6:00 7-0 IU now, after some timely hitting. Gophers make a pitching change. Also, Chris Webb is in the house.

6:20 IU has really opened it up, taking a 9-0 lead. Looks like we’ll see Minny and Purdue tomorrow. The crowd is slowly starting to get bigger as OSU fans start to filer in. I was expecting a few more people. Maybe the ten dollar ticket prices are turning people away? I don’t know if I would pay ten dollars if I didn’t have a press pass.

7:18 Kinda turning in and out here. Indiana beats Minny 12-3. Minny was two hit until the 7th inning…wasn’t really close most of the way. The stands are really starting to full up now with the scarlet clad Buckeye faithful. Its too bad Explore Columbus didn’t get in on this, and give OSU Students a discount or anything. Coupla bucks, go see OSU, drink in the Arena District….I’m just sayin’.

The Buckeyes just took the field for stretching and warm ups, and the crowd goes wild. You gotta be excited for the guys playing today, stepping out onto such an awesome facility, getting this kind of crowd support…everybody likes playing under the lights.

7:52: Is it game time yet? I’m all hyped up ready for the game. I don’t know if thats the energy from the ballpark, or the fact that I’ve had about 4 free pops from the press box and I’m not sure where the bathroom is.

7:57- You know what would be really funny? There is some green space in deep center field…maybe, in a nod to the old Cooper Stadium, we can throw up some fake gravestones. Just a thought.

7:59- Chris- “Is there anything less helpful in coach speak than the phrase “It is what it is? Why did your pitching stink? Well…you know, it is what it is…”

8:01- So everybody just stood up, thinking we were going to sing the national anthem after player introductions…..surprise! We didn’t! It sure was good to get that first inning stretch in though.

8:04- And we’re off! Wimmers is lighting up the radar gun already, hitting 93, 94 MPH. Guess somebody is a little pumped up to play today. 1, 2, 3 goes Illinois.

8:12 Strack getting the ball for UI today. Kovanda is the first guy to get in the box score with a single up the middle. Stephens grounds into a double play though to tend the first.

8:17 Aaron Johnston strikes first blood with a monster 2 run shot to left field to give Illinois a 2-0 lead. That will prob land outside the 614.

8:23-Wimmers recovers to end the inning without any more damage. Meanwhile, the PA is blasting Bruce Springsteen’s Hungry Heart. I’m a *huge* Bruce fan, but is this really baseball pump up music? I don’t have an urge to get up and clap and scream now. Maybe sway…..

8:28 I was a few feet from maybe getting hit with a foul ball. Don’t worry, we’re all okay here.

8:30, Buckeyes get one back with a double from Arp (another Reynoldsburg Represent. Also, I want you guys to know that the guy next to me is screaming like a little girl every time the Buckeyes do something. He is at least 50. And I mean…seriously. Like a girl.

8:37-Does anybody know what the ball completely dies in the air when it gets hit into deep center here? I’ve seen several shots that were hit hard enough to get out of the park, but something in deep center just keeps the ball in play. Further research required.

8:49 Buckeyes get a double play thanks to some OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE (or just blocking the catcher from throwing a dude out). Also, I saw my first stadium O-H-I-O at a baseball. Its not saturday in the shoe, but it was still pretty impressive. This crowd is pretty quiet, but you can tell they’re into it as soon as some actual action happens. The guy next to me is still pretty much yelling 24/7 though.

Buckeyes are swinging at a lot of first pitches. They’re getting their hits, but they also have five first pitch outs. Some more patience at the plate will likely get them some better at bats. Only two batters have seen more than three pitches in their at bat! Thats not a good stat.

Top 5 coming up, UI up 2-1. That insight brought to you by Chris Webb

9:03, Bucks trying to get out of a jam after walking the first two batters…by striking out the next two. I’ve also just noticed that there are people everywhere here…in all of the stands, the restaurants, Neil ave…everywhere EXCEPT the AEP Power Pavilion. Not one person! I mean, there are even people in the Hamburger Balcony! Next time I work a game here, I’m reporting LIVE from the Power Pavilion, even though that prob isn’t actually in the stadium.

9:19 Johnson is on fire. He’s 3-3 with all three RBI (and Illinois only has 4 hits). Illinois now up 3-1 here in the 6th. This is becoming a tough inning…4-1. Bottom 6.

Big at bat here for the Buckeyes. Two on, nobody out for Ryan Dew. Did you know that Dew is the all time leading rusher at Worthington KIllborne? Now you do!

Dew eeks out an infield single. Everybody is safe now for Justin Miller. Bases Jacked, no outs, and the crowd is going nuts. Girl man is reaching a whole new level.

Miller gets a sac fly. Runners on the corners, 4-2. Arp gets an RBI line out…should have been a double play, but Illinois made a mental error. Another grounder ends the inning. 4-3. Not bad, not bad.

9:44 game might be getting away from Wimmers. He just gave up a double Good D prevented the run, but now he’s got 2 and 3 with only 1 out. (yup, and Wimmers is headed out of the game. 6 hits, 4 runs, 6 and a third)

Great Defense gets the Buckeyes out of the jam.

9:57, Don’t look now, but the Buckeyes have two men on (thanks to back to back walks), and nobody out. Cory Kovanda is up to bat, and LETS GO BUCKS is being yelled everywhere. Girlie Man is oddly pensive at the moment. He’s channeling his inner Phil Jackson or something.

Kovanda lays down a sick bunt single. Thats just Bill Todd baseball right there sports fans. Bases jacked. Nobody out. All Stephens has to do is hit the ball. Chris says he will make fun of him in Communications if he doesn’t. Strack is hitting the showers. PARTY IN THE HAMBURGER BALCONY

10:02- Just so you know, May 31st, Curious George will be making an appearance at Huntington Park. No word on whether he’ll stop by the Hamburger Balcony. ,It is what it is.

Stephens with an RBI grounder. Tie game.

10:04-Dan Burkhart is getting intentionally walked to re-load the bases. Only in college baseball do you walk a guy to get to a .400 hitter. Madness.

Its Dew time sportsfans. Dew gets an RBI grounder, and the Buckeyes have taken the lead for the first time, 5-4. Runners on second and third. For a team with as much firepower as the Buckeyes, its weird to see them rely on little numblers. Miller has fouled off like 4 balls in a row. He’s battling.

10:09- Miller strikes out. 5-4 Bucks heading into the 8th. 1, 2, 3 goes Illinois. Engle rips an RBI single, and given Ohio State’s closer situation, I think its looking good that they’re getting a win!

Hurley is ruthlessly gunned down trying to get an inside the park home run, but you gotta applaud the effort. 7-4 Los Buckeyes!

Time for the ninth inning! I’ve been blogging for like 9 hours now. Eat your heart out Bill Simmons.

10:28 Lead off walk, then a rather dramatic strike out. The umpire was def doing his best impression of the ump in The Naked Gun. Yeeeeeeer OOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUTTTT

One out left, runner on second. Crowd on their feet. I would stand, but that would make typing difficult. It is what it is.

10:34 Heater down the pipe, hitting 93 mph. 0-1.

10:35 foul ball. Oh snap, its 0-2. The natives are getting restless.

10:36 awwwwwwww that was clooooooooosssse. Pretty anticlimatic moment there. 1-2.

10:37 another foul ball down the line.

10:38 Another laser beam foul ball. This one cleared the nets and maybe took out at least three fans who were talking on their cell phones.

10:39 Another ball, near the dirt. 2-2. Lets get this over with.

10:39 Another ball low, 81 mph. Full Count. Hale has a flair for the dramatic.

10:40 STRIKEOUT!!! The team mobs Hale, and the Buckeyes are in the winner’s bracket. Stay tuned for more updates and recaps. Until next time, I’m Matt Brown. Keep supporting the Buckeye Nine.

Hey guys, I’m live bloggin at the Big Ten Baseball Tournament today for my buddies at the Buckeye Nine Blog. Check it out at http://b9tourneycentral.blogspot.com/

“Hating the New York Yankees is as American as Apple Pie, unwed mothers, and cheating on your income tax” -Mike Royko.

So all in all, I’d say I had a pretty good Christmas haul. I didn’t get any jetpacks or bulletproof clothing, but I did get plenty of socks, a few movies, and a wonderfully thoughtful book of metaphors and similes, which I can sprinkle my little articles with (like the above quote from one of my literary heroes). I certainly can’t complain with my little modest bounty.

But a few books and DVDs can’t really compare with the 400 Million Dollar gift the New York Yankees bought themselves over the holiday break. 400 Million bucks can buy a whole lot of things…but the pinstripers used it on just three baseball players…CC Sabathia, AJ Burnett, and Mark Texiaria. When you add in the monster deal they signed A-Rod for last year, they’ve committed over 600 million dollars to the payroll of just 4 men.

If you’re anything like me, once we start talking numbers bigger than CC Sabathia’s expected weight in 3 years (so lets say around 400), I start to lose perspective. Let me break down these huge contracts, so you can properly understand them.

CC Sabathia, the manboob-endowed pitcher from Cleveland and Milwaukee, signed for 161 Million. His contract alone is worth roughly thee times the entire yearly payroll of the Florida Marlins. ESPN put up this nifty website, where you type in your salary, and it tells you what CC has to do to earn it. I plugged in my expected salary of 37,000 as a public school teacher for next year…which is roughly what CC makes every time HE RECORDS AN OUT. No….I’m not crying right now.

Now, clearly CC has some marketable skills that I lack. My fastball tops out at roughly 60MPH, and 40,000 people aren’t crowding into a room to watch me write a funny article (YET). I’m not going to sit here and bemoan how much money our professional athletes make, when thousands of skilled Americans are losing their jobs, and teachers and journalists sweat out every last buck. I’ll leave all that huffing and puffing to the rest of the high horse sportswriter posse. My concern isn’t that obese pitchers make too much money, but that the Yankees throwing money around like they’re playing Monopoly might ruin our American pasttime.

The other major sports in the US have a salary cap…they have a finite ceiling on what each team can spend on players each season. If a team wants to go out and sign a superstar to a huge contract, they have to plan ahead, or cut other high paid players. This system allows franchise in all cities, not just New York, Chicago and LA, to field competitive squads, if they use a little fiscal ingenuity. This system allowed for the a pro football powerhouse to appear in Indy and for great basketball teams to play in Portland, Salt Lake City and New Orleans.

Baseball has no system. Teams throw as much money at players as they want or can. Teams in smaller media markets, or who are owned by groups that suffer actual financial restraints are often borderline eliminated from signing free agents. Even if ownership had passed around plates in every church in the greater Kansas City area, the Royals had no chance of raising enough dough to sign CC Sabathia. Any decent player on their team must come from their own farm system, and if they become good after 3 or 4 years, that player will sign with the Yankees (or Red Sox, Dodgers, Angels, Cubs or Mets). It becomes fiscally impossible to field a competitive team year and after year. Before opening day in April, nearly half of Major League Baseball’s teams will be out of playoff contention. Check out the payroll rankings for 2008…pretty strong correlation between a high payroll and consistent success (although there are outliers).

And lets say one of those small teams manages to pool enough dough to give a good player a huge deal. If that deal doesn’t pan out, the team is crippled for 5 years…and even if it doesn’t, they wont have the capital to surround the player with role players. When the San Francisco Giants accidentally gave Barry Zito a record setting contract, and watched in horror as he turned into the 9 year old kid from “Rookie of the Year”, they were screwed. They’re still screwed. If the Yankees or Red Sox make that mistake (JD Drew? Kevin Brown?)…they just buy another dude. Roster Management isn’t a necessary skill when you have no accountability for roster mistakes. Its why people were loath to bail out auto companies.

I understand the value of the Yankees as a “villain”…I wrote my very article article about it. We love sports partly because they have clearly defined good guys and bad guys, and the Yankees are about as clearly “The Bad Guys” as the Taliban, or Darth Vader’s crew….but having a “Bad Guy” isn’t helpful if they manage to destroy the entire sport in the process. The national sports media already pretends that baseball is only played in Boston, Chicago, New York and LA. Rampant unchecked spending could make that a reality.

I’m also aware that many small market teams have been competitive recently. The Yankees haven’t won a title in years, and the Devil Rays, (payroll 44 Million) made the World Series last year. You’ll notice that with the exception of the Twins, those tiny teams don’t have staying power. In a few years, they will have a talent fire sale, and restock to try again in 5 years. The big guns reload every year.

LA Angles outfielder Tori Hunter put it rather nicely. “Man, that’s crazy,” Angels center fielder Torii Hunter told the Times. “Those damn Yankees! They don’t play around. When they’re trying to win, they’re trying to win. It’s crazy. They just paid $27 million in luxury tax. That’s like 27 dollars to them. They don’t even care.”

They don’t even care if they turn half of baseball’s cities into irrelevancy in the process. Supervillians indeed.

I’ll admit,for most of this year’s season, I wasn’t paying a whole lot of attention to baseball. My beloved Cleveland Indians, for reasons unknown, found themselves out of the playoff chase by June 1st. Maybe Travis Hafner was worried about my academics, and decided to take the year off so I could focus on school? (a lovely gesture Mr.Hafner, but I swear, if you do that again next season, I’m driving to Cleveland and punching you in the eye). Maybe its because Cleveland got their fat black guys confused, and accidentally gave Romeo Crennel (diabetus?) 4 starts in April, before seeing this mistake…and promptly trading the best pitcher in baseball to Wisconsin for Matt LaPorta, some shiny beads, and 3 Million in AIG stock (Bitter? Me? Naaah).

Whatever the reasons, my team stunk, and my adopted second team, the Washington Nationals, stunk even more. Instead of fanatically refreshing MLB.Com over the summer, I payed attention to other things, like the NBA off season, the LSAT, and Student Achievement (and student achievement).

Naturally, I was missing one of the most compelling stories in sports in years….the emergence of the Tampa Bay Rays.

Before 2008, I don’t really know a powerful enough superlative to describe how bad Tampa was. They were Washington Generals bad. Detroit Lions bad. Gigli bad. They had never placed higher than 4th in their division (the AL east has 5 teams), and had never won more than 70 games (MLB teams play 162 in a season). Nobody outside of the Tampa-St.Pete newspaper circulation zone could name more than 2 Devil Rays, unless your name happens to be Peter Gammons, or Dana.

And according to a lot of baseball “experts”, their immediate prospects for getting better were dim. Major League Baseball has no salary cap, so the “rich” teams in major media markets typically are the only ones who can sign big free agents. Tampa’s two main division rivals, the Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees, have roughly the combined payroll of the GNP of Poland or Spain. Tampa Bay has to have their team dinners at the Golden Corral.

But wouldn’t you know it. Tampa dropped the “devil” from their name in the offseason, watched their young players mature in a hurry, and won 96 games, shattering their record, and winning the AL East. The New York Yankees missed the playoffs. If the story ended right here, it would still be heartwarming enough to make a made-for-TV movie on ESPN.

(just a little aside here, but if there was one thing that would make me *not* like Tampa right now, its the fact they changed their name. Devil Rays was awesome…but the Rays? That just makes me think of nine bumbling Ray Romanos. Ladies and Gentlemen, your Tampa Bay Fightin’ Situation Comedies!. Lame.)

But it didn’t end there. The Rays beat the Chicago White Sox handily, then beat defending champ Boston in a thrilling game 7 last night. Tampa blew a 7-0 lead in the 7th in game 5, and almost blew game 7, until their almost rookie closer, a kid from Vandy barely older than me, strikes out 3 batters, and sends the Rays into October Immortality.

(another aside…I’m now old enough where I start to get a teensy bit depressed watching professional rookie athletes. The hero of the ALCS was what, 22? Greg Oden is 19. Kevin Durrant is 19. I am 21. These guys are gazillionaries. I am writing facebook notes and going to Geological Sciences in a few hours. *sigh*)

Even if you don’t like baseball, how is this not awesome? Doesn’t everybody love an underdog story? I don’t think its possible to get any more underdog than this, unless the Columbus Clippers were suddenly allowed to compete in the playoffs.

Their opponent, the Philadelphia Phillies, are also not without a story. Philly fans like to bemoan the that their city appears to be cursed when it comes to sports. The 76ers are bad. The Eagles went to 4 straight NFC title games without winning a super bowl, the Phillies have lost more games than any other team in baseball history, etc. National sportswriters continue to broadcast this story, as if Philly, by virtue of being in the northeast, has a monopoly on sports misery.

Before I went away to college, I didn’t think much about the Phillies. They were another one of those irrelevant national league teams, like the San Diego Padres, that I might catch once or twice a year during a lazy summer day when the only other thing on TV was The Price Is Right.

But that changed when I went to American. American University likes to pride itself on being a highly diverse campus, featuring students from all over the country, world, and from diverse social and socioeconomic backgrounds. They neglected to mention that “diversity” at AU meant they had students from many different parts of Philly and Southern New Jersey. This was only the second time in my life that being from Ohio made me exotic.

The overexposure of all things Philly, New York and Boston did wonders to make me jaded towards all of their sports teams. Every setback by the Giants and Eagles was treated as some sort of natural disaster. I saw more Phillies crap than I did American University stuff. And for anybody from anywhere (except maybe Seattle) to complain to a Cleveland fan about suffering? I mean…really? Let me take your baseball team and move them to Mexico City. THEN we’re be able to talk. (Chicago, I know it sucks to be you, but you got Jordan’s Bulls for the better part of a decade. Our shining moment was the movie Major League)

So even though my guys are all golfing somewhere (or, in the case of Mr.Hanfer, working the batting cages, getting ready for next season. RIGHT??), I’m going to root for the Rays with the (nearly) the same vigor that I would for my own team. Small market kids catch fire and win the big one. I don’t think I would write a better sports story if I was allowed to make everything up. Its going to be a heck of a world series.

So, baseball fans and non-baseball fans alike, check out a game or two over the next week. After all, there’s only one October.