I Heard it Downtown

Just because we’re used to this by now doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

It really looked this was going to be the year our championship drought ended. The Cavs only lost one game at (when they tried) home  all season. Lebron won the MVP, and played most of the playoffs like one of those guys who makes three shots in a row on NBA Jam. (He’s on fire!! BOOMSHAKALACKA!!) We were actually sharing the rock, team chemistry was through the roof, Mo Williams was making jump shots,  Varejao was flopping, and Delonte West drank from a shoe on TV.

What could be better right? Clearly, we were going to march to the NBA title, crush the hated Lakers, and convince Lebron that he really ought to just stay here in Ohio, instead of bolting to New York in 2010.

But a funny thing happened on the way to that made for TV moment. Despite having the best player on the planet…we’re still Cleveland.

The Orlando Magic simply could not miss for the first 5 games (who shoots 60%? I can’t do that on a video game), and Dwight Howard turned into a mix of Shaq and Bill Russel, and Mo Williams came up smaller Mini Me. Cleveland lost game six last night, ending our dream season, and sending back into another fit of “wait until next year”.

We’re used to it after all, Cleveland teams have been exceptional at finding ways to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory for years now. We all know about The Drive, The Fumble, The Shot, The Move, Jose F*** Mesa and JD F**** Drew.

And now we can add another team to our glorious sports lore. We just lost to a team that is coached by Ron Jeremy.

Everybody knows sports glory is unfairly distributed. The LA Lakers are going to the finals now for what, their 30th time? There is no pain, no sacrifice in being a Lakers fan. Its way too easy. Plus, LA is the 2nd biggest city in the country, has glorious weather, and is close to the beach. Its like cheating. Boston, after a few years of bitching by Bill Simmons, now is close to winning titles in virtually every sport.

But Cleveland (actually, make that all of Ohio)? Not only do we not win, not only do we lose in the most heart wrenching ways, but our state is also falling apart. In the time that I spent writing that last sentence, three dozen Ohioans said “screw it”, and moved to Arizona. Hell, in two weeks, I’M moving to Arizona.

Anybody who follows sports seriously deserves to have one shining moment in their lifetime where they see THEIR team win it all. In my lifetime, that has happened twice. In 2002, Ohio State won the national title for football. The next year, the star running back was caught somewhere on Brice Road with an AK-47 and a few bottles of Gray Goose. So much for that dynasty.

Since then, Ohio State football has become a bit of a running joke. They have good regular seasons, get to highly respected bowls, and look like those old electric football games against SEC or Big 12 Speed. Among national beat writers, they’re almost a joke.

The Tampa Bay Lightning, a hockey team I rooted for before the Blue Jackets came to Columbus, also recently won a Stanley Cup. Afterwards, the NHL was caught in a labor dispute, had a lockout…and the entire sport was basically ruined. Makes the title a little bittersweet.

The Indians had a great run in the 1990s, but the team looks like they’re about to be totally blown up. The Browns moved, came back, and can’t even be good enough to lose with fashion (Also, one of their players killed a dude in the offseason). The Bengals are a team of awful convicts, and I say that as I guy who rooted for them for 15 years. The Reds did win in the 1990s, only to have their best player banned form the sport in the biggest scandal since the Black Sox. The Blue Jackets have never won a playoff game in their history, and they are in huge financial trouble.

And my beloved Cavs, the team I love the most, are caught in a terrible identity crisis, much like Cleveland itself. Will Lebron leave or not? Can we surround him with enough talent? See, Cavs fans don’t just worry about next year. If Lebron leaves, there won’t BE any more next years. Our anxiety is reaching new levels.

So we wait til next year I guess. Maybe next year will be different. And maybe Charlie Brown will finally kick  the football too.

At least we’re not Detroit.