I Heard it Downtown

resident Obama is sitting at his desk. His tie is loosened, and he is obviously stressed

OBAMA:
My first day in office certainly wasn’t that hard
The only hiccup was Roberts inability to read from a card
but now crisis are mounting, folks are beating down my door
this certainly wasn’t the change I had hoped for.

The media is pounding me, and I can’t relax
because nobody I hired paid all their taxes.
Then the economy descended into insanity,
and my idiot press sec said I’d grab beers with Sean Hannity
Hopefully my stimulus bill can get some momentum flowing
Lemme check CSPAN and see how thats going…

Cut to: PELOSI’S OFFICE
Nancy Pelosi is meeting with her staffers, and other high level Democratic House members. They are giddily throwing around monopoly money.

PELOSI:
When we asked for children’s insurance, they laughed in our face
but now I’m in charge, and we’ll put the GOP back in it’s place
to hell with bipartisanship, they didn’t show any here
so lets load this bill up with our wishlist from the last 8 years!

Guys? What are your problems?

INTERN
In a few months, me and my girlfriend are having a baby
and we’re worried about money, since you really don’t pay me

PELOSI: 300 MILLION FOR PLANNED PARENTHOOD!!

AIDE
I’ve finally got some time off, but I don’t know what to do
since i’ve already watched everything in my Netflicks queue

PELOSI:
ANOTHER 600 MILLION FOR HOLLYWOOD!!

OTHER AIDE
Oh, I have something that requires me to vent
I hit a pothole driving to work, now my BMW has a dent!

PELOSI: (clearly drunk with power)
ELVENTY BILLION BUCKS TO BUILD NEW ROADS! Bwahaha

CUT TO: Republican Meeting

CANTOR: For 8 years we spent money like drunken fools
and hoped that nobody would notice, or read the news
now we’re hopelessly out of power, so its time to pretend
that we know anything about how to responsibly spend

BOEHNER: Let us make the most outlandish statements we can make on the floor!
Its easy to take a stand, when you don’t matter anymore!

Mike Huckabee: I sent out a letter to everybody on my mailing list
saying this bill is an abomination, and its making God pissed

Mitt Romney: I’m against this bill too! It’s certainly no fun
it gives no money at all to any company I run

Glenn Beck: LOOOOUD NOISES! I DONT KNOW WHAT WE’RE YELLING ABOUT!

(cut to: Obama, facepalming)

OBAMA: I thought my first 100 days were supposed to be a honeymoon?
If its all going to be just like this, I hope its 2012 soon….