I Heard it Downtown

EDITORIAL DISCLAIMER:

THE FOLLOWING POST CONTAINS TERRIBLE PUNS THAT DEVIATE FROM THE TYPICAL IHEARDITDOWNTOWN PG-13 AUDIENCE.  IF YOU ARE MORE MATURE THAN A 15 YEAR OLD BOY, SKIP THIS ARTICLE AND READ THE ONE MATT STRUHAR WROTE ABOUT GAZA INSTEAD.

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“Dude, pause the game for a second. You gotta see this headline”
“Wait, is this the Onion? Is this a joke?”
“No man. Its real. Porn Industry asks for 5 Billion Federal Bailout”
“Man, I kinda thought the Porn Industry was built to withstand a pounding. Why would they need a bailout?”
“Yeah, I’m pretty confused too. I kinda figured industries like porn were pretty recession-proof. People will always need something to get them through…hard times”
“Like beer and cigs huh? If those are failing, I guess we’re all pretty screwed.”

“yeah. What do you think though? Should we help ‘em out? The Porn industry might be too big to fail”
“You may be right. Think of all the jobs that might be lost!”
“I have to wonder if maybe this approach was too direct.”
“Are you suggesting they should have attempted some sort of reach around?”
“Maybe. Maybe they’re just being too anal about this whole thing.”
“On the other hand, can you really trust them with that much money? They might steal it all and pull out early”
“haha, these aren’t your father’s puns. These are PornoPuns!”
“Actually, these are exactly the kind of puns my dad would have made.”

“On a serious note here, why on earth would the porno industry need 5 billion dollars? I’m thinking here, and I can’t envision any kind of expense that would justify that. People don’t see adult movies for the CGI graphics and expansive scenery right?”
“I doubt it. You don’t really need to pay for top-flight writing talent here either I imagine. Where in their business model would you need 5 billion bucks? I mean, besides Joe Francis’ legal defense fund? Larry Flynt’s Viagra?”
“I’m going to do some research”
“Not on my computer you’re not!”

“I’m pretty sure Flynt and Francis were kidding about this whole thing right? I mean, I’m not really an expert on this sort of thing, but I’m pretty sure Francis is a felon. These people aren’t really model citizens”
“Yeah, thats all true, but when you compare it to other recent government expenditures, is it really that crazy anymore? I’d rather take my chances with a pervert like Francis than forking over more billions to AIG and Co. without any accountability.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Mindless self-gratification without any regard to possible consequences. Maybe Porn and Congress aren’t so different after all. They deserve this.”
“Yeah, its not like they aren’t both full of asses.”