I Heard it Downtown

So, I’ve learned something important this month. Don’t try and start a fairly ambitious writing project that requires daily updates during exam week, or when real newspapers want you to write things for money. Rookie mistake…it won’t happen again.

Just because I haven’t been updating doesn’t mean I haven’t been giving my Christmas list some thought though. On the contrary, I’m willing to do just about anything besides study for exams. My apartment hasn’t been this clean since we moved in, and I’ve gone to lift 4 times in the last 5 days. If exam week lasted for a month, I’d add two inches to my guns, write a book, and learn to play the guitar (but get Ds on all my tests).

Anyways, I digress. For this next gift, perhaps against my better judgment, I’m going to reveal to you all one of those secret, hidden guy desires (don’t tell the “Man Card” certification board about this. I’m still on probation for making a love actually joke in one of these notes a few months ago. If they find out, they’ll cancel all my ESPNs from my cable plan and make me eat quiche for a week).

Nod with me in agreement here dudes…wouldn’t it be cool to have…your own action figure? I’m not talking a stupid bobblehead, but a butt kicking action figure, like the ones you wanted when you were a little kid, but your mother wouldn’t buy them for you because they promoted violence? (And you wondered why I didnt have any friends until high school Mom. Thats why!)

Thanks to our good friends at the internet, this dream can now be made a reality. Turn regular Joes into action figures? YES WE CAN! http://www.vicale.com/maleondemand/

Thanks to the MaleOnDemand (man…that sounds really gay. From now on, I’m calling it the Action Figure Store), you can make your own kickbutt actionfigure, so long as it conforms to one of their factory defaults. With a little bit of playing around, I managed to make one that looks just like me (only with one CRITICAL anatomical difference).

I think the possibilities here are endless. Why stop at one Matt Brown action figure? I’m ACTION PACKED! we could make..

1) TFA MAN. Includes bulletproof polo shirt, and the JetPack Of Learning. Also includes 1 Nerf Maverick 6-shooter nerf gun and a stack of graded papers (showing significant gains of course). When you pull a string, he reads selected quotes from Someday All Children (TFAMan might be a little boring. Thats why he has the jetpack)

2) Serious Professional Journalist Matt. Its me with my feet up on a desk, writing furiously to meet deadlines. Comes with computer, notebook, cellphone, and a 6 pack of Monster Energy Drinks to help him stay awake during boring sporting events. When you pull his string, he’ll tell a funny joke 1 out of 4 times. The other three times, he’ll stutter, or mutter something about how he’ll write a better one tomorrow.

3) Intramural Sports Matt. Comes with Firecracker 5 cut off, baggy gym shorts, headband and two knee braces. Will be a lot of fun to play with for about 20 min, then his legs will fall off.

Any other ideas? THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS