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Fear and Loathing with Intramural Football October 13, 2008

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Jumping around from city to city so much has made a lot of things difficult for me, like finding enough guys for a friendly game of pick up football. So, when my roommate asked me to play on intramural football team, I jumped at the chance, without knowing any important details.

…like knowing the name of the team, for example. IM sport team names are a great opportunity for a good joke…and our squad squandered the chance. No joke, I am now a part of the “Columbus Clap” (Catch it!). I feel like this might have been kinda funny say, in middle school…but did I really just pay 12 bucks for a T-shirt that has an STD on the front, and my name on the back? Is that what I have to do to make friends in this town?

Oh well. Whats a little public humiliation between friends right? Thats what college is all about!

Anyways, after a few haphazard practices (which basically consisted of us throwing around a football for 40 min, and then getting slurpees at 7/11), we had our first game on Sunday. It was…an experience.

Before I begin the tragic tale of the Columbus Clap, let me tell you a little bit about my own personal athletic history. The Good Lord has blessed me with a few talents, but it does not appear that athletic ability was one of them….or “luck” in general, now that I think about it. I played baseball for several years on habitual losing teams (and ended with a career batting average somewhere south of .200), and because I was about 135 pounds when I graduated high school, football and basketball were completely out of the question. Instead, I was the king of the marching band, and proud of it.

But nothing sums up the totality of my life playing sports like my ill fated foray into competitive swimming.

At my mother’s urging, I joined a summer swim team in high school. Our community pool resembled a pond (or perhaps an open sewer) much more than a swimming pool…it didn’t have chlorine, it was a pale green color, and animals still lived in it. Never has a swim team enjoyed a greater “home pool advantage”, then when we faced some of the yuppie country club swim teams.

Me (to the guys in the other lanes) “Yeah, don’t worry. We’ve only seen 3 snakes today”

Anyways, I braved these harsh conditions, and over the course of the season, improved from “utter and biblical suckitude” to “marginally respectable” in the 100 backstroke. This was enough to get me into a “playoff” swim meet. All of my friends, teammates, and everybody else would be there, to watch me try to not get in last.

Now, because of my crappiness, I never bothered to do things that real, competitive swimmers do to get an edge…like shave all my body hair, or wear a speedo. Those extra 4 seconds never mattered enough to me, so why sacrifice my pride? This practice continued all the way until that fateful swim meet.

We can all see where this is going can’t we?

I was near the front of my heat, but right after I kicked out of that flip turn into the final 25, disaster struck. I was backstroking like a madman, but my swim trunks decided to chill out by the wall. I swam out of my trunks. In the playoffs. DOING THE BACKSTROKE. No matter what else happens to me in life…no matter how many heartbreaks, no matter how many disappointments, no matter how many times the Cleveland Indians effing blow it…(JOSE EFFING MESA!!!)…nothing that bad could ever happen to me again.

So yeah. I don’t have good luck with sports. Keep that in mind here as I tell the rest of the story.

Hardship struck our little band of ragtags early, when two of our players couldn’t play for mysterious reasons. That left us down to 6…and IM football is a 7 on 7 game. We were worried for a little while, but when we saw that our opponent was ‘The Evan’s Scholars”, we relaxed a little bit. We were going against a team of honor’s college kids. How bad could it be?

We had NO idea. First, the Evans team had at least 15 players on it…enough for a completely seperate offense and defense. They had their own uniforms, their own plays, and many looked like they actually played some serious football in high school. We had two kids on our team who played in HS…and along with a few Madden wizards, some marching band kids, and a high school football journalist. We were screwed.

Evans scored on their very first play from scrimmage…a simple 10 yard pass play over the middle, followed by 5 of us missing tackles. It didn’t get any easier from there. We threw more passes to the other team than our own. Only one of us had cleats, so we all slipped on our butts in the wet grass. We got tired after 20 min, and were run over up and down the field. With just a few min left in the first half, we were down 26-0, and had no prospects of changing that.

Our goal quickly changed from “win the game”, to “lets at least score a touchdown”, to “uh, lets get to that 20 yard line over there”. Our library of trick plays that I had  researched (from the “Statue of Liberity” to the “Annexation of Puerto Rico”), went completely out the window. We’d go back to the huddle, and have a conversation similar to this”

So, whats the play? HB pass? Trips right? Post?

….

Eff it. Lets throw it downfield.

Somehow, we got a little bit lucky, and found ourselves a mere 5 yards from scoring a touchdown, and restoring the game to quasi-respectability, with a min left. In those 4 plays, we somehow managed to do everything wrong that was possible…dropped passes, blown routes, falling our on butt trying to cut a corner, and committing penalties that we weren’t even sure were real (What the hell is illegal touching?? We’re the Columbus Clap, not the Columbus Larry Craigs). We couldn’t score, and went into halftime down 26-0.

The second half wasn’t any better. Being a sportswriter at heart, I tried to keep a few stats in my head, and they weren’t pretty. Evans scored on nearly every possession. We threw at least 7 interceptions, and I’m pretty sure we got most of our first downs on penalties. At least our stupid name would lead to good headlines, once we get our butt kicked again (Evans Scholar’s beat bad case of the Clap, Page 4).

We ended up losing 56-6. Our bodies hurt from flinging ourselves all over the field in vain. We had no chance at victory, and unless we bring in some ringers, Tuesday doesn’t look so good either.

But I still had fun. Thats what these are all about right? Playing football and making some friends?

But I’m warning you guys. If you don’t get your crap together by week 3, I’m demanding a trade. I hear team “Thats What She Said” is looking for a Running Back/Sportswriter….

Major Website Changes… October 12, 2008

Posted by Matt Brown in Uncategorized.
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Hey everybody…there are pretty big changes going on here, and I wanted to keep you all updated.

First, we are growing a lot. October has been our most busy month by far, and our traffic last week was greater than all of July and August (I think we have the debates, and our coverage of them, for that). Thank you all for reading, and sharing this webpage.

Because we’re growing, I went out and purchased www.ihearditdowntown.com. I’m having a little bit of trouble mirroring this website to the new domain. I suspect its actually a pretty simply copy/paste job, but my blog skills are basically limited to just writing them…if any of you readers are good with this sort of thing, leave a comment/email…we may need your help.

At any rate, in the next few weeks, this website will change a lot…new domain, prob. some cosmetic changes, and a few other surprises. Keep checking back!

Finally, I’d like to remind everybody that we’re always looking for more contributions. We’d like to have some sort of update every day, so if you would like to write for IHID (on a regular, or a one time basis), send us an email. It doesn’t have to be about politics (I’m finishing a piece on intramural football that will go up later tonight).

Finally, if you have your own blog, we’d be happy to link swap with it (so long as it isn’t some porno site, or a Michigan fan webpage).

Thanks everybody!

-Matt B

Social constructivism on the sidewalk October 11, 2008

Posted by Matthew Struhar in Uncategorized.
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Walking back to Taylor Tower after viewing Ridley Scott’s disappointing action thriller Body of Lies, I noticed a few chalkings on the sidewalk. The messages were positive attempts to educate students about consensual sex and relationships. A couple chalkings stated, however, that sexism was the original sin and that manhood is a fiction.

To sin, of course, is to err from the will of God. Whether or not sexism was at the heart of mankind’s first erring from God’s will is a mystery that only a really insightful antropologist or theologian could tell you. But the second statement about manhood is more interesting if you’re a humanities major like myself.

Manhood, whatever it is, is a socially constructed idea. If something is socially constructed, then is it fiction? I don’t believe that’s the case. Manhood may be a lousy idea that needs serious reworking, but it remains an idea that represents actual values that were really popular in the 19th century.

Somebody might retort with a really elementary example that if God does not exist, then God is a fiction, but God represents an actual idea, so the same must be true with all ideas. Nonsense. If God does not exist, then God is still a fiction, but that doesn’t make Christianity or any other monotheistic religion fictional. Those ideas still exist.

So, sorry crusaders for responsible love life. While your goals are indeed worthy, manhood remains an idea – perhaps a poor idea – that was very operative in the 19th century United States – a place where men set out on their own to live lives of rugged individualism in an effort to conform to constructive norms of “manliness” (how individualistic!) – and remains somewhat relevant today.

That’s my social philosophical rant for the weekend.

GO BUCKS!

A Stroll through the ol’ Blogroll October 10, 2008

Posted by Matt Brown in Uncategorized.
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I’ve been doing a lot of work on “behind the scenes” stuff here…fiddling with interal features and whatnot. One of them that I’m trying to build on is the Blogroll on the side of the page here. This should be expanding in the next few days, but here is some more info on the sites that are currently on there…

Political Website:

Politicalwire- If I was stuck on some kind of desert island, and my wireless network only allowed me to pick up one political website, I think this would be it. Politicalwire is pretty ballanced, updated often (several times a day), and puts all sort of expert analysis and beltway info into one, easy to read place. There is also a handy newsfeed feature, so I can scan the headlines for all the important newspapers and magazines. If you really want to know the inside scoop, ditch CNN/Fox, and read Politicalwire once a day.

Electoral-Vote- This is a great election forcasting website, run by one of the computer geeks who helped develop LINUX. It’s updated every day, has a big, easy to understand map, and has great commentary. For people who want to understand how polling works, and what its effects are (and who’s winning), EV and 538 are critical. They are doing a MUCH better job than the cable news outlets.

FiveThirtyEight-The best polling website. Updated several times a day, with explantions written in plan english. Its got all the data that any kind of politics junkie would ever want, but written in ways that even Sarah Palin can understand.

NEWS WEBSITES

The Ohio State Lantern- The official student newspaper of THE Ohio State Univeristy. The Lantern also sometimes publishes work by me and Matt Struhar, which automatically makes it a solid news source.

The Granville Press- GP is an alt. news website focusing on nitty gritty Granville issues…zoning, Denison, Granville schools, etc. I’m originally from Granville, and a few of my old friends sometimes write for this website.

The Drudge Report-A huge collection of news links. Prob. has a conservative bias, but given the rest of the stuff that I read, that might not be a bad thing. Its easy on the ol’ browser, and worth a look.

SPORTS WEBSITES

TrueHoop- Henry Abbot’s blog on basketball (which you can read on ESPN). Abbot is a top notch journalist, and really combs the internet looking for great stories. If you love hoops, check this out every weekday.

HoopsHype-Massive basketball website, with a huge rumors section, and more info on international hoops than Truehoop. A must read during the NBA offseason.

Licking County Sports- Great website with info on Central Ohio Prep sports, Ohio State, and more. This is one of the first websites I ever “wrote” for, and is worth a looksie, even if you aren’t from Ohio.

MISC BLOGS

DC-Chicago Perspective- Blog of my friend Rachel, a journalism student at American University (my old school), in Washington DC. Rachel and I played in the AU Jazz Band together, and is still the person I go to when I want the word on today’s music, and the Chicago Cubs. Well worth a look.

One Way or Another- The blog of my sister and her husband. Hi Mark and Maya.

If you’d like me to link to your website, or have a really cool suggesiton that I missed, leave a comment.

As far as pending updates go, check the OSU Lantern this week for an article from yours truely. I should also have another post here by monday.

Traveshammockeries in Nashville October 8, 2008

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I wasn’t going to let myself watch the second Presidential debate alone. Oh no, leaving the politics junkie alone might prove dangerous to our personal property (our new plasma TV might find a few pens stuck in it). I sat down with my roommate Tony, and my buddy Blake, to break down this latest “Must See Political TV” event.

First, this whole debate format is completely crazy. Nobody is allowed to directly question each other, follow up questions are going to be discouraged, and everything is pre-screened and sanitized. Thank heavens we at least have Tom Brokaw in charge here, to keep this from getting too stupid.

I’m surprised to see Charlie Gibson watching everything at Bowling Green University. Is he running a focus group up there with a bunch of students? I’m pretty sure having 75% of your sample infected with syphilis might mess up your data.

Okay, enough jibber jabber. Notes from the actual “debate”…

…First, I notice that both Obama and McCain have little yellow notepads next to their chairs. What are they for? What are they writing? Wouldn’t it be great to get a camera down there, to show the public what they’re doing? Is Obama doodling? Is McCain channeling his inner John Madden? Maybe their notes look like my debate notes, littered with non sequiturs and various profanities. The public needs to know! Or at least I do.

Who is that dude asking the first question? He looks like Paul Shaffer’s demonic brother. Letting Paul Shaffer ask some questions might spice this up a bit…

…right off the bat, we’re seeing both canidates have absoluetly no regard for the actual question. Whats that? did you ask me about the economic bailout? Thanks for your question, but my notecard says I’m supposed to talk about energy policy! Also, I’ve noticed that nobody seems to give a crap about the time constraints. I bet Tom is thrilled.

…Question: Who would you pick to be treasury secretary? McCain “Not you Tom”. Ha! Funny…then everybody runs right back into jibber jabber mode. Warren Buffet, you might want to get your resume ready, you seem to be in high demand. I’d like to point out that I also plan on applying for the job, and like all good hispanic immigrants, I’ll do whatever Buffet will do, but for half the cost.

..Tom Brokaw just laid the hammer down on everybody.  I wonder if I can vote for him…

…I am totally loving this side camera action, where we get to see what one guy is doing while the other is talking. Obama is strolling around the stage, talking to the crowd about taxes or economic policy…and McCain is making this very strange face. Is he trying to fart? Does he need Oops I Crapped My Pants Adult Diapers? I can just picture him talking in a few seconds….My Friends…I have just taken the Browns to the Super Bowl, and would like to request a brief recess.

…I love it when John McCain starts getting all indignant about earmarks. My Friends, we have too much pork barrel spending in this country. Obama just asked for 3 million dollars for a projector in Chicago. We need to take that money, and use it for useful projects to help America get back on track…like bridges in Alaska.

And Tom Brokaw strikes again! John McCain tries to punt on a question, saying that he will fix social security, our energy crisis, and medicare all at the same time. Brokaw says he’s full of crap. I like this guy. Now, if he would only get all indignant every time either of these guys tried to dodge a question, we’d have a real debate on our hands.

McCain: We’re not rifleshots. We’re Americans. Thanks. I get that confused all the time.

Talking about health care, McCain announces “That he knows Obama’s Secret”. Obama’s face bugs out on the other side of the screen. Whats the secret? Is he gay? Is he a Muslim? Is he a Weatherman? How did McCain know? I bet its on that notepad.

Obama just took a potshot at Deleware’s banking rules. Dude, did you forget where your running mate is from? Maaaaaybe leave them out of this.

…Tricky foriegn policy question here…do you respect the soverignty of Pakistan, or do you go in there and take care of the terrorists? Tony makes a brilliant suggestion here…why not do both? How, you might ask?

Snake? SNAKE?!? SNAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!!

Debates ends with a pretty good question…”What don’t you know, and how will you learn it?” Judging from both candidate’s non-answer, I think its safe to assume that they clearly know everything. Good thing we got that cleared up…I was worried.

Well, who won? Did Obama, who looked youthful and strong compared to McCain, “win”? Did John McCain get enough mojo to right his sinking campaign ship?

Who knows? I think the clear winner here was Tom Brokaw…the only guy to play by the rules. I wonder if he’s busy for the next four years? At the very least, the Treasury might be hiring….

Inaugural Post October 7, 2008

Posted by Matthew Struhar in Uncategorized.
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So, this is my inaugural post here on wordpress. What Matt Brown actually hears downtown, I really don’t want to know.

I know Downtown Matt Brown – you know somebody’s a particularly ballsy dude when he gives himself a nickname like that – from steel drum band at Ohio State. Our political views are fairly congruent, although I probably lean a little more to the left.

I hope to address a lot of issues on this blog, ranging from the religious to the political. I want to explore using audio and video somehow, if that’s possible. Maybe you’ll see the Matts of this site on bloggingheads.tv sometime. Who knows?

Born to Run October 7, 2008

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Living in one of the nation’s premier “swing states” certainly has some drawbacks.  Our airwaves are so saturated with campaign ads that you can’t watch a baseball game for three seconds without being reminded that Barack Osama plays poker with pedophile terrorists and John McCain feasts on the flesh of the living. I can’t take more than a few steps outside of my apartment without being mobbed by a group of well meaning volunteers reminding me to vote (and could you maybe stop by the field office and do some data entry for a few hours?).  I can’t even read a national newspaper without seeing every tiny corner of my state overanalyzed into oblivion (Hank Smith, 51, of Van Wert, Ohio is hinting that he might vote for Obama. McCain camp in tailspin. Film at 11).

But it’s not all bad. Sometimes important people come to your town! Last cycle, I couldn’t drive to my neighborhood IGA without running over John Kerry (George Bush hung out here a lot too, but you couldn’t get in to see him without signing a loyalty oath to the GOP….so I didn’t go). This year, I’ve already been able to hear Obama, Biden, and every significant Democratic politician from Ohio (including my idol, John Glenn). But Monday, somebody came rolling into town far bigger than any of those names.

Yes. I’m talking about Bruce Springsteen. The Boss himself (sadly, sans his E St Band) was coming to the Oval at THE Ohio State University (a mere few blocks from my apartment) to give a free concert. Take THAT New York. Important people only show up there when they want money!

Me and my buddy Blake hurried to the concert spot early, as to avoid the throng that would surely come later. I had enough time to pick up a T-Shirt that had Obama and Springsteen on it…thus validating my brilliant idea a few posts ago (that Obama and Springsteen ought to run together). You think this is a blowout now, but with The Boss instead of Biden, we’re winning everything except Utah County.

But before Bruce could step out in front of the adoring masses and play Thunder Road, we had to listen to the lukewarm opening act of all celebrity-driven political rallies…the democratic under card. While I understand the political necessity of having various house and local candidates speak (No offense to David Robinson and Mary Jo Kilroy, who I’m sure are fine candidates…but they aren’t drawing 5,000+ on a Sunday), its still somewhat of an emotional buzzkill….watching obviously uncomfortable professionals stumble through jokes, talking points, and Springsteen related puns. I’d like to put out a standing offer to all my friends running for office…I will be happy to write jokes for you, free of charge. Don’t use your own material.

Personally, if I was running the whole show, I think I would have tried to grab an all-star OSU band or something, to warm up the crowd. Something with a name like John McCain and the Keating Five or maybe Charles Barkley and the Real Mavericks. Don’t even tell me that isn’t an awesome name for a band.

Finally, after introductions from everybody from the mayor of Columbus to candidates for Ohio State University Undergraduate Senate, the man, the myth, the legend, Bruce Springsteen, took the stage. And to think, not 24 hours ago, I was aimlessly tossing around a football at the very spot. If presidential elections inspire my musical idols to swing by my hometown, I wish we had presidential elections every year. It’s a risk I’m willing to take.

Bruce didn’t play a very long set…maybe just 6 songs, along with some talking after every number. I didn’t care, because I would have happily stood outside all day just to hear The Rising live (which he played) and Thunder Road (aka the finest song ever written). I was more than happy to listen to the Boss politely exhort us all to do a little more to help Obama get elected.

And then I felt a twinge of guilt. Outside of voting, and perhaps writing a pro-Obama facebook note every now and again, I really haven’t done a whole lot. I could certainly credibly claim a lack of time. I’m working two jobs, taking a full course load, and balancing a church calling, work with my fraternity, and basic hygienic functions. Obama campaign workers seem to want you to devote more than just a little bit of time, and I’m not sure I can give it, no matter how much I support the cause.

I also admit, I hate canvassing and cold callings. I did it once for a school levy, and I did it again as an LDS Missionary. I think only God could get me to knock doors again, and he would have to ask really nicely.

But there’s really another, bigger reason that I’ve somewhat kept my distance. Perhaps the biggest draw to Obama for anybody is his appeal to our sense of hope…he represents the idea of turning away from the negative attitudes we might have picked up over the last 8 years, or from politics as usual, and that craven cynicism that clouds over everybody who has ever watched more than 15 min of CSPAN.

I worry that if I got myself too deep into the nitty gritty of this race, I might lose some of that. I don’t want to say I’d lose my objectivity, because I never claimed to really be objective in the first place. I don’t write for the AP wire, or the BBC. I’ve picked a side, and I’ve been honest and upfront about that. Perhaps I’m worried about losing my independence. I guess if I get too deep into the logistics of the campaign, I’d lose my ability to criticize something I didn’t like. Not working for anybody gives me a lot more freedom. heck, if I wanted to, I could go off the reservation and endorse Chuck Baldwin, even though I’m pretty sure he’s issued a Fatwa against both Mormons and Latinos. Besides, if I started getting training for things like message control, I’m sure I’d lose my grip on this whole hope and change business.

But it’s difficult to explain any of that to the woman who’s working the Obama booth on 15th and High, or at least not without getting a terrible case of Liberal Guilt (how can you make snarky comments when kids can’t read in Chicago???? You’re so selfish…you might as well be a…a….Republican!!!).

Oh well, I bet Bruce would understand. The Boss wouldn’t be the Boss if he was say, the Communications Director in the Obama White House. I know how it is…you can’t fence people like us in. Tramps like us….we’re born to run (sorry).

Please Welcome our New Author(s) October 6, 2008

Posted by Matt Brown in Uncategorized.
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There are some big changes coming down here at I heard It Downtown. In the next few weeks, we hope to move to a new URL, a new hositng service, and a new layout. Perhaps most significantly, we’re adding some new authors…which means the website will be updated *much* more often.

Our first new author is Matt Sturhar, a fellow senior Politcal Science student at Ohio State. Matt has been published several times in the Ohio State Lantern, covering Sports, and American/Ohio Politics. You’ll all enjoy his work.

Stay tuned, and please tell your friends about I Heard It Downtown!

Fear and Loathing from the VP Debate October 4, 2008

Posted by Matt Brown in Uncategorized.
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Please check out my critically acclaimed write up on the VP debate here at NewsFlavor. Its really funny, I promise.

Also tell your friends.

http://www.newsflavor.com/Opinions/Fear-and-Loathing-From-the-VP-Debate.283399